Unrequited
by Meme-Ann
Summary: Connie realizes,she'll never have the one she loves.


_I don't own the Ducks._

**Connie's POV**

You'll never know, how I feel about you. I'll never have the guys to tell you. I'm chicken I guess. I know that's not a word most people would use to describe me, though I am. I'm so scared of these feelings, petrified of what will happen to this fragile world we live in, if I ever say. Even now as he lays beside me, eyes transfixed on the movie we're suppose to be watching together, I'm thinking of you.

He turns his head from the TV and flashes me his trademark smile. It use to make my knees weak, give me butterflies. It doesn't anymore, at no fault of his. I think I've just grown out of our love. No, that's not true, I still love him, I do, just not the way I use to. But love just the same.

I love him enough to stay with him, despite how miserable I am. Knowing in my heart, the only place I want to be is with you. I'll stay with him, because I care for, him so much I don't want to hurt him, for nothing. Does it make me terrible, that I'd hurt him in a heartbeat to be with you? God, I'm awful.

I force my lips to curve upward and return the smile. I have to force myself to smile when I look at him now. Its gotten that bad. I'm looking at him, the same way, I use to look at you. The way I looked at you for the first fifteen years of my live, like a brother, like a friend, but not a lover. And I know it would kill him to hear this. I know it would ruin the small glimmer of friendship you and I still have left. So I'm quiet. I keep it to myself and pretend it's not real.

I can't exactly tell when you went from the boy next door, to the boy I wanted to be with. Maybe it was that Fourth of July, when Guy and I were fighting, and I sat on your blanket to watch the fire works. I had on a half top, and when you rolled over to talk to Averman, who was sitting by us on a lawn chair, you hair brushed the base of my ribs. I felt a chill run through my whole body. And I remember telling myself, it was nothing, that you were, just you. And it was silly of me to get all goosebumpy at your touch. You probably didn't even notice you'd done it.

You came to me the other day, grinning like a Cheshire cat. You'd said, you were in love, but you didn't know how to tell her. I swallowed and looked down, asking you to tell me about her. You said, she was one of your closest friends, she was beautiful and smart, and to watch her on the ice would amaze you. Foolishly, for a brief instant, I let myself think, you meant me. For a split second, I felt what it was like to have your love. It was the best, less then a minute of my life.

Then you told me it was Julie and could literally feel my blood turn cold. My heart just stopped beating. I told you to go for it and made up some cheesy excuse for not being able to stay and finish the conversation. Truth is, I just didn't want you to see me cry. You'd ask what was wrong and I've been able to lie to you. And you can always tell. If you just look in my eyes, you always know exactly what I'm thinking, no matter what it is, I'm saying.

I can hardly look at you now, we haven't spoken since you told me. I'm avoiding you like the plague, and the worst of it is, I don't even think you notice. That makes it hurt so much more. I didn't mind, loving you, while you were with Linda. She wasn't a friend of mine, so it didn't feel like I was betraying her, but desperately wanting to me with her boyfriend. But Julie's my teammate, and its doesn't feel right. But the more time I spend with you, the deeper I fall. So I'm at the point now, I'm going cut you out of my life, completely.

I'm trying out for cheerleading. Honestly, being a rah rah girl never appealed to me. But I can't stand to even be on the same team as you anymore. I can't help but look over as you change in the locker room. I study your chest, I know every muscle by heart, the image permanently etched in my brain. I need to stop that, I need to get my mind on something else. So I'm leaving the Duck's. My father's new, girlfriend agreed to help with tuition, if I pick up another sport. So, GOOOOOO TEAM!

Last night, I couldn't sleep, with vision of you running through my head. I took my sketch book out into the hall, with a flashlight, to not wake my roommate. I drew from memory, this gorgeous face, with a mischievous smile and a small scar on his cheek. And when I looked down and realized what I'd done, I couldn't fight the tears, as they fell to the paper, smearing the drawing. And soon your likeness was gone. Nothing but a dark gray blur in the center of the page. I wish my crying could wash you from my heart so easily.

But its no use really. No matter what I tell myself, no matter how much I fight it. I love you Charlie, so much. More then I ever thought I could ever love someone. I wish you the happiness, I'll never get.


End file.
